i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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