Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
