i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
