Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
