Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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