i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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