You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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