Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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