I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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