Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
