hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
