My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
