Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
