sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
