I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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