Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
