Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
