Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
