I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
