party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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