i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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