After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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