Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
