Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
