Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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