ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
