I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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