so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
