i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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