you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
