it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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