wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
