Yo dont text me then not text me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
