4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
