All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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