I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
