haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
