I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
