he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
