I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
