doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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