The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
