Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
