can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
