i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
