So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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