just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
