he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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