youre lurking in front of me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
