what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
