hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
