At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
