Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
