Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
